We are all unreliable narrators of our lives,

we emphasize and minimize, we leave things in and other out.

We don’t purposely mislead, most of what we say is true,

or at least it is true from our current point of view.

We walk around with stories about why choices were made,

why things went wrong, why we treat others a certain way.

These stories are actually how we make sense of our lives,

but instead of providing clarity, they sometimes keep us stuck.

We assume that our story is shaped by our circumstances,

but it is in fact the exact opposite that happens.

The way we narrate our lives shapes what the story becomes,

which gives us the power to change what’s incomplete or wrong.

There are two key themes in our stories : freedom and change,

we think we have no freedom when it comes to the problem at hand.

We feel trapped, imprisoned by our families, jobs, relationships, past,

by the thoughts of being an impostor, of being unlovable,

of everyone’s life being better than ours.

However our emotional jail cells don’t really have bars,

but we’re afraid to admit it because there is a catch.

Freedom comes with responsibility and if we own our role we might just have to change,

and change, even really positive one, can get us really scared.

Change scares us because it involves a surprising amount of loss,

loss of the familiar, of knowing how the story goes.

It is oddly comforting, no matter how unpleasant and utterly miserable the story is,

to know the characters, the plot, to know the dialogues and the setting.

Whereas to write a new chapter is to venture into the unknown,

getting to know and un-know yourself is pretty uncomfortable.

But that’s how you walk around those bars that you think keep you trapped,

by letting go of that one version of the story and by living your life.

You can write your story, all you need are some tools,

to revise and edit the parts that are just not serving you.

It takes wise compassion for yourself, and a lot of honesty,

to include what’s left out and unveil what you were not willing to see.

It sometimes takes writing the story from another character’s perspective,

to open up the plot to more possibilities and become more sympathetic.

It takes being aware that depression distorts our stories through a very narrow lens,

and that the same is true when we feel lonely, rejected or hurt.

It also takes not being a help-rejecting complainer,

a role so easy to slip in when we feel angry, vulnerable, anxious.

Do not reject an edit if your story is one of misery and stuckness,

things can work, and change really is possible.

Life is about deciding which stories to listen to and which to edit.

You get to choose what goes on the page that lives in your mind.

You get to be the hero not the victim.

You get to shape the story of your life.

You get to shape your reality.

What do you want your story to be?

by : antιdrastιc element

based on : Lori Gottlieb’s Ted talk

How changing your story can change your life

photo credιt : studio SLB photography

cartoon credιt : unknown